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Sunday, October 14, 2012

What Is Left Inside

Assalamualaikum and hello readers. Let’s write something in English shall we? Or let’s just mix everything around like what other Malaysians always do. That’s why we have Manglish isn’t it? This is our right to use what we own. So that everyone can read and understand well. There are a few reasons why I use English in this writing.

1.       So that I will still master this language no matter where I am standing now.

2.       By using English, I seldom can express my feeling well. If I am happy, people will not notice much from my writing. If I am sad, same thing happens. I don’t want readers to make conclusion on my feeling while reading this entry, let me, myself know what kind of mood I am using while posting this entry.

3.       I’m so missing English. What will happen to my English after finishing my study here? Owh no, have to plan well or take classes right after finishing my degree later.

Here we go.

1 month and 2 weeks since I’ve been here. Settling down just well. Coping with situation here is more difficult than I thought but everything is still under control. Meet a lot of new people and seniors. They are really kind and have been helping a lot since the 1st day I reach Jakarta. Life in UKRIDA is a lil bit different compared to my life in INTEC (referring to campus life – study, facilities and everything related). UKRIDA is almost like school where we should wear uniform, and then local students are under the age of 18. The way how students here think and act is different as well. They have different thought on certain situation. Plus, they are more outspoken and brave to speak in front of others. They dare to make mistake and ask silly questions, but for them, silly questions could lead to good answers. They are pros and cons of being a student in UKRIDA. I mean, everywhere is the same. No matter where you are studying at, there must be pros and cons. Place is not a matter to be discussed, but how we live in that place is what really matters. Being a human, a normal human (superhero or hard-hearted human are excluded), we need people around us to build us up. No one can live by their own. Behind every great man stands a woman. Ever heard about this phrase before? Let’s not focus on the word ‘woman’ and focus on the phrase as a whole. We need each other to climb up the mountain.

The question now is, do I have companions who can walk with me to the finishing line?

Sometimes, I do feel that I’m walking alone, only accompanied by shadows which make me feel safe, but less secured. Let’s think deeply into this statement. Understand well.

I have my own potential, everyone does. Everyone has their own ability to do something for the world, the only different is when and how. In Malaysia, there are a lot ways for me to show who I really am, what I can commit, what can I do for the people. Here in Indonesia, maybe it is still too early to show who I really am. Sometimes, since people don’t know me much yet, they look down on me, especially when I talk on religious stuff. I know I’m not a Hafiz, not even from an Islamic school or society, but I do know a few things about Islam, I do know what is the purpose of me being created to this world. Just because I don’t wear Kopiah or Songkok 24/7, doesn’t mean my point of view should be neglected. Give me a chance to speak. Give me a chance to show my potential. I know what I am capable of.

What I need is a chance.

Ive been told by a lot of people to stop posting things which can make me feel sad. Seriously, I’m not that sad, but I do feel disappointed. It’s different. Why? Because I put too much hope. Too much hope on my dreams, too much hope on others. In the end, hope remains hope. Some people gave me a lot of promises, but they didn’t fulfill them. What I really want is a friend who can hold my hand and together facing all obstacles before reaching the finishing line, a medical certificate, becoming a doctor. But where are they? My mom used to tell me, don’t expect people to act exactly like what we wanted or what have we expected. When we hope on them too much, the more disappointed we will be if they do not perform exactly what they have said. For those out there who make empty promises, thank you for giving me such a good lesson. What I learnt is, no one will look up on us unless we ourselves do and my favourite quote is – friends come and go, and only true friends stay. Good friends are like stars, looking upon you, shining above you, can’t be touch but will always around when you need them.

I know you guys are out there, but please don’t hide, I need you guys now.

I am not sad. I just need to have someone to share my thoughts, to share my feelings and to share my world with. Every people need someone to stand. We could never walk alone to achieve success. We could never be on our own in different part of the world. We need each other. Ukhuwah, and what I need from ukhuwah is the sweetness which I can taste. That is the part that I am missing now. If I am the one who is making mistake, don’t run away, tell me what have gone wrong.

Don’t neglect me even though there are thousands of great people who are better than me out there. I’m not as good as some of us, I realize that. I’m not good in indoor soccer, not so professional to talk about religion, but don’t neglect me. Teach me. Guide me.

There is something from me to share with you, readers:

Five benefits of accepting people as they are.
1.   It avoids resentment and dissension.  Who likes being told what to do and how to be?  Not me.  Do you?   Isn’t it really the same as being told that we are not “good enough?”

2.  It brings closeness.   When people know that you truly accept them, trust develops, they open up more to you, and a closer bond develops.   In particular, it improves relationships with our children, our loved one, and family members.

3.  You experience greater personal growth.   When you accept others, your focus changes from them to you, which allows you to work on fostering your unique skills and talents as well as improving your shortcomings.

4.  It enables you to let go of control and enjoy the many rewards that occur when you do.

5.  You have more peace and serenity in your life from the above benefits.

What I ask is, please avoid ‘double standard’. I thought we are supposed to be together in this journey.

That’s all for now. SERIOUSLY, NOT SAD AT ALL. Just to point out what is left inside.

Thank you and Assalamualaikum.